


She Never Makes a Sound

by thebeasknees



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Breaking down, Connor is too, Crying, Gen, High Standards, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Hysterics, I refuse to believe Zoe isn't as bad as connor is, I want to know, Literally tell me what you think Zoe has, Sadly I actually have to say that :), THiS IS NOT INCEST, This is Angst but with affection, Zoe has problems but doesn't want to show it, it shows at 3 am, s a d, zoe is a complex character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:28:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25361641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeasknees/pseuds/thebeasknees
Summary: Zoe is on her kitchen floor with macaroni in a bowl.Connor is a light sleeper.
Relationships: Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	She Never Makes a Sound

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! i hope you guys enjoy this. Please read the tags though.:)

Zoe is tired.

So, so tired.

She doesn't even remember when it started- but it did, and she's fought it. It hurt to get up in the morning. It hurt to speak, and to laugh, and to work so hard every single day to do every day things.

She doesn't know how long she's been like this.

Something is wrong. Something is horribly wrong, and she can't fix it. She can't ask for help, because Connor already has something. Connor is already going to therapy and getting better and she can't be the weight that pulls down her family's happiness, she just can't. 

But that doesn't mean whatever is wrong with her is going away, no, it's getting worse. She can't sleep, she can't eat, she can't smile like she used to, can't do anything like she used to. 

She just wants to be like she used to.

And now Zoe is breaking down over history homework and her tears are piling up on it, staining the paper. She can't remember anything from the last month, or the last 2, or the last three. So why the fuck does anyone expect her to remember when Abraham Lincoln died?

Abraham Lincoln can go suck a toe.

Her macaroni and cheese is on the stove. It might burn. So she gets up and pours some into a bowl, and looks back to the history papers. And she drops the bowl. All over the floor, and she's so, so tired she kicks the pieces of bowl around the room, and she whines and cries.

Nobody ever hears her anyway.

Not when she tells her Mom she feels down, not when she tells Alana she doesn't feel herself anymore. They always brush her off. 

Her back slides down the fridge, and her hair gathers up in her hands and she pulls, and pulls and pulls and pulls. She's done this so many times to let out her anger, at whatever the fuck she's angry at. 

Zoe shoves her head between her legs and cries. Cries until she can't feel her throat anymore.

Nobody will ever hear her.

Nobody.

\-----------------

Connor wakes up with a startle from the sound of something breaking. Now, he knows full well that like, his sister stays up late. She hears her come out from her room, sometimes. He doesn't really care, and he guesses she's probably gonna be more active all night since Mom and and Larry would be gone for a week on some dumb business trip. But she probably hurt herself or something, though, and he's trying to be nicer, even though it just sounded like one bowl.

So he gets up.

And he walks down the hall and makes a turn to go down the stairs. And.

Well.

He wasn't exactly expecting this. 

There are several shards of whatever type of plate or bowl Zoe was using around the entire kitchen, including a pile of macaroni and cheese a few steps away from her. He slowly walks down the stairs, and as he gets closer he realizes she's crying. Like. Actually, full on sobbing. She's tugging on her hair like it's a job, and he really needs to find out what the fuck is going one with her because he has never, ever seen her like this. She never cries. He hasn't seen her genuinely cry since like, first grade.

'Connor. Go help, dumbass.'

His brain says.

And he rushes down the rest of the stairs, and scrambles down next to her.

".....Zo?"

And she looks up to him like she hadn't even noticed he was there, but she's already scrambling to get up.

"Shit, sorry, um-" Her face is wet and her eyes are really, really red.Her hair is sticking to it.

Zoe is struggling to talk. Actually, genuinely trying to say something, and her voice sounds so broken up and strained.

Connor pulls her back to the floor and lightly pulls her towards him, wrapping his arms around her.

She looks like she needs it. 

And it turns out she does, actually, because her finger nails are holding on so tight to him that it hurts, and she shoves her face into his shoulder and cries harder. She's shaking. Really, really badly, actually- he has to physically pull her down a little to keep her place. "I don't- I don't know what's wrong with me, Con, I can't-" He hadn't heard that nickname since forever. Since 2nd grade, maybe.

"I know. It's okay. I'm here." And he reaches out really slowly to roll circles into her back. She doesn't flinch. "But you gotta breath with me, okay?" He takes a deep breath, and let's it out again. She nods against his chest and copies him. Zoe's voice comes out so much lighter than it usually does. "I'm so tired... I'm tired. So so so so..." He shushes her. Shapes triangles on her back. "I know. I know. That's okay. I'm right here, okay? Breathe for me, Zo. Breathe." And she does. She copies his breathing for at least an hour, and she slowly starts to rest against him, and sooner or later she's asleep. Shaking, but sleeping.

And maybe he picks her up and puts her in her bed.

Maybe he sweeps up the pieces of glass.

Maybe also sweeps up the macaroni. 

And maybe be talks to her about it the next day.

Maybe this happens again,

And maybe she makes a sound.


End file.
